Skip to main content

Full text of "The Pig Paper #31"

See other formats

ISSN 0710-3034 


©19B7 PIG PRODUCTIONS, 70 Cotton Drive, Mississauga, Ontario, Canada L5G 1Z9 

Bloodthirsty warrior's velvety voice 
could earn him millions, say 

- ■.illp 


Evening News 

THE PIG PAPER®#3/ Jems dead 

Weeping fans besiege the Presley hom 



THE KING? Artbf* 
conception of canni* 
bet's V«gea oct. 

=■5 DRUGS 
-=& SECRET^! 

: claim . 

_. ? "Z1 « l g»j believe it 

[Colonel Tom shedding no tears 
10 years after Presley's death 

chief be the 

Vl 9 _% -^ 

next Elvis? 

A crazed cannibal chieftain living deep in the 
torrid jungles of Borneo could be the next Elvis 
Presley — but the head-hunting heathen says he 
would rather cut thro ats than cut hit records! 

Asian anthropologist Sar- 




&* Ik 


dar Saeed said the wild-eyed 
tribal boss called Balungundi 
threatened to fry him aHve 
when Saeed suggested he 
trade his loincloth and spear 
for a guitar and blue suede 

"This man has more poten- 
tial as an entertainer than any- 
one I have ever seen," the re- 
spected explorer and scientist 
told fellow anthropologists at a 
recent conference in Bangkok, 

"He has charisma and he is 
blessed with an incredible, 

powerful voice that reminded 
me very much of Elvis. When 
he sang to us, everyone was 

"Unfortunately, this man is 
a barbarian who would rather 
kill you and eat you than win 
your applause." 

Saeed and other members 
of his eight-man scientific 
team met the warbling wild- 
man last winter while explor- 
ing the sweltering, snake-in- 
fested jungles along Borneo's 
Kapuas River. 

"The Sunta are a brutal peo- 
ple who butcher their enemies 


LAS VEGAS (AP) — Colonel 
Tom Parker says he's shedding no 
tears as the 10th anniversary of 
Elvis Presley's death approaches. 

"There's nothing to cry about, 
everything is too happy," Parker 
said Monday night 

Parker, 78, is the homespun 
huckster credited with igniting 
Presley's meteoric career. 

Presley's former manager re- 
counted the happy years with the 
man dubbed the "king of rock 'n' 
roil as he took the media on a tour 
of the Elvis suite atop the Las 
Vegas Hilton Hotel. 

Dressed in a jean jacket that he 

got from Presley six months be- 

KwfejTyfl fore tt* e star ' s death, Parker re- 

*.*.C:5fc| counted his first meeting with the 

Tennessee teenager. 

Parker became angry when 
asked if he had seen Presley's drug 
problem coming on and if anything 
could have been done to stop it 

"We're here to honor his memo- 
ry," Parker snapped. "1 didn't hear 
the question." 

Presley died Aug. 16, 1977, of 

"-* :I 

heart disease at his Graceland 
mansion in Memphis. He was 42. 

Court records indicated he had 
suffered from drug abuse. Those 
records said traces of 12 to 14 
drugs, mostly pain-killers and de- 
pressants, were found in Presley's 
body. He was given almost 200 pre- 
scriptions for drugs in the year be- 
fore he died. 

Asked about rumors of a rift be- 
tween him and his star before 
Presley's death, Parker said Elvis 
told him "it will always be Elvis 
and the colonel." 

Suits between Parker and the es- 
tate were settled out of court in 
1983. Parker received $2 million 
(U.S.) to sever his connection with 
Presley and give managers of the 
estate full control of the Elvis busi- 

Asked if the star had doubts 
about his career in the last years of 
his life, Parker said Presley once 
complained of being too fat. 

"I told him, 'Look at Kate 
Smith'," Parker responded. 



for food and sport," the scien- 
tist said. "They allowed us to 
live with them for four weeks 
but it was a very uneasy al- 

Balungundi led his sadistic, 
spear-chucking warriors on 
raids against enemy villages 

once or twice a week, Saeed 
said. And when the marauders 
got back home, they gathered 
around a fire to show off their 
severed heads and other grisly 
trophies of war. 

"That is when Balungundi 
would sing and dance for ev- 

body LffisRM!y[s tagged Beatles asanti-U.S. 

TTVI .QTATF^^ Sl^is sugar Cube attracting him' 

.FRMtwe Mitt BACJC . ■ 

1D Qt$sk I 

Zhe Si vis Presley 

Direct from Cas Vegas 

eryone, and his voice would 
reverberate through the wild- 
erness," the anthropologist 

"It was beautiful and we all 
agreed he was another Elvis." 

But when Saeed suggest- 
ed the singing savage trade 
murder and mayhem for Mu- 
sic Row, Balungundi charged 
the shell-shocked scientist, 
waving a machete and scream- 
ing his head off. 

"Balungundi went crazy," 
recalled Prasit Ammaribun- 
dit, another member of the 
team. "He threatened to throw 
Dr. Saeed into the fire, 

"For the sake of our lives, 
we never mentioned it again 
— but, we're still hoping he'll 
change his mind." 




Presley's first love' happy to be a nun 

Elvis rocks again 
in summer comic 


HOLLYWOOD (Special) - Elvis [ 
may have died with drugs in his ~~ 
bloodstream, but he is being resur- 
rected on the other side of the law 
in Elvis Undercover, a one-shot 
jl comic book due in August from 
|j? Hollywood's Mad Dog Graphics. 
I The comic spoofs a 1970 event 
hen U.S. President Richard 
ixon made Elvis an honorary 
'/ f/ narcotics agent Elvis Undercover 
k % has the King, a cop freak in real 
iJfl | life, busting big-time deaiers, chas- 
l\\ yjl ing high-speed limos. 

NOTE: ActiMf photo of Moms 

Morris Mates 

MORRIS it actually three shows in ont — 
examining Elvis from the vantage point of 
the 50'* — the rocking 60's — and the 
flashing 70's. 

MORRIS carves out a striking impression 
of ELVIS without ever tarnishing his 
Quoit Wayne Harada. Honolulu Advertiser, 



t the evening of December 1, 1978, an extraordinary historic 
I event occurred. After previous unsuccessful attempts, interna- 
itionally known psychic David Behr made contact with Elvis 
& Presley. For almost one heart-stopping hour Elvis Presley 
T spoke to the world. That dramatic event was recorded in its en- 
tirety and is now being made available to the scientific re- 
ft searchers of psychic phenomena and to Elvis Presley fans 
^throughout the world. 










k * e 


With each tape or 
record you receive 
this beautiful full- 
Cflier iion-onUans- 
ler of Elvis per- 
forming live in 
concert This truly 
valuable item in it- 
sell is yours free, 
without cost or ob- 
ligation, just for 
ordering 1 





RUSH ME the fully guaranteed recording ol Elvis speaking from beyond the grave. 
II I'm not completely satisfied I will return it within 10 days and my money will be 
cheerfully relunded _ 

(except postage and Pr,m Name 

handling, of course) Andrew 

and the lull-color T- A00ress 

Shirt transfer is City State Zip 

mine to keep' 

Pints tend mi_ricBrdjt| •nd_etti»tti tip»li| (please enter quantity desired) ! 
am enclosing $9 95 lor each record or tape plus $1.00 each tor postage and hand- 
ling Sorry, iw COD. * ft-trackl 

ELVI8 RECORD de>t.shep 
******** Chariton Bldg. 

Derby. CT 06418 

Teeners' Hero 

Without preamble, the three-piece 
band cuts loose. In the spotlight, the 
lanky singer flails furious rhythms on his 
guitar, every now and then breaking a 
string. 1 n a pivoting stance, his hips swing 
sensuously from side to side and his entire 
body takes on a frantic quiver, as if he had 
swallowed a jackhammer. Full-cut hair 
tousles over his forehead, and sideburns 
frame his petulant, full-lipped face. His 
style is partly hillbilly, partly socking 
rock V roll. His loud baritone goes raw 
and whining in the high notes, but down 
low it is rich and round. As he throws him- 
self into one of his specialties — Heart- 
break Hotel, Blue Suede Shoes or Long 
Tall Sally — his throat seems full of 
desperate aspirates ("Hi want you, hi 
need you, hi luh-huh-huh-huv yew-hew") 
or hiccuping glottis strokes, and his dic- 
tion is poor. But his movements suggest, 
in a word, sex. 

He is Elvis Aaron Presley, a drape- 
suited, tight-trousered young man of 
21, and the sight and sound of him drive 
teen-age girls wild. All through the 
South and West, Elvis is packing the- 
aters, fighting off shrieking admirers, 
disturbing parents, puckering the brows 
of psychologists, and filling letters-to- 
the-editor columns with cries of alarm 
and, from adolescents, counter-cries of 

There are thoBe that think the King has long since passed on. 
Well in case you didn't know, Elvis is alive and well and wrestli ng 
in the World Wrestling Federation. Elvis wrestles under the name 
The Honky-Tonk Man but you can tell it's him. The wrigglin' hips 
and the glittery Las Vegaa outfits are still part of his reptoire. 
When he wins a match, he even ends it with a "Thank you very much* 
I know you love me. You've been a wonderful audience". As the 
story goes, after Elvis faked his death, he moved to Calgary and 
changed his name to Wayne Ferris, Beside the other changes in his 
life, Elvis felt that a career change was also in order* Years of 
watching women wrestle (in their underwear) gave Elvis (or Wayne 
as he was then known) his inspiration for his new career. Wayne 
wrestled briefly in Calgary but came to prominence in the WWF through 
the guidance of his manager Col. Jimmy Hart. The Honky-Tonk Man posse a 
great wrestling ability as evidenced by his recent winning of the 
Inter-Continental Belt away from Ricky The Dragon Steamboat. And 
yes, the Honky-Tonk Man can still play a mean tune on the guitar. 
Jake The Snake Roberts can attest to that. (Using Jake's head, the 
Honky-Tonk Man played the guitar in a way that it's never been 
played before). The Honky-Tonk Maft is the greatest wrestler that 
the WWF has. He is loved and adored by millions. And through his 
wrestling skill, will keep the name of Elvis alive -forever. 

] Ten years ago today as I was washing the dinner dishes at around 
5%^5^ the news came over the radio like few news items have in any 
one f s lifetime. Elvis was dead. Nothing in the time before really 
could or would prepare any one of us to accept this f as the event 
happened with the suddeness of the two Kennedy assassinations and 
later on the shooting of Joh Lennon*. I suppose bewilderment and 
searching confusion prevailed for days after that, but the first ting 
I did was starting tp phone local music culture friends and spread 
the awful news as quickly as possible. Maybe through this i/we 
could come to some understanding of this event and how do deal with 
it as members of the total global rock pop music loving community. 

^^ WWK^ ^ YU NEWS SERV,CE * P -°- B0X 236 • MILLBRAE, CA 94030 • USA • (415) 588-5990 

* GRACELAND, Tenn. (YU) — Police and firefighters battled unruly crowds of Elvis-worshippers with 
tear-gas and rubber bullets in the 12th straight day of violence in this sleepy tourist town. So far there 
have been no reported deaths, but scores hav'e been injured, including two officers who were admitted to 
Good Samaritan hospital for observation after they reportedly dressed up in Ann Margret's underwear 
and danced suggestively in front of the crowd WMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 

K~s ■^%555"~ = '^^f3H 1H&£1> JH ^* li •**"*"* *hort» out — The laU Elvis 
Jl^-- *~" ""jfflaYnRW 3\ A 88 rm ~ -"» Presley'* underwear has been pulled from a 

traveling exhibit of the rock V roll king's 
memorabilia because it was stealing the show. 

"All the people were asking about was the 
underwear, when we've got his wedding ring, his 

Ciry, his guitar and his Rolls-Royce," exhibitor 
ty Velvet said in Mountain View, Calif, "i 
couldn't handle it." The drawers worn by the 
swivel-hipped star, which had been displayed in 
plexiglass cases alongside such items as his karate 
outfit and a lock of hair, were withdrawn a few 
weeks ago when the exhibit was in Wisconsin, she 
said. They went back to the permanent Presley 
memorabilia exhibit in Memphis, she said. 

(Opening: dirge tempo instrumental version of Love He Tender - 
music down and under for announcer.) 

Announcer: Every afternoon this week at three o'clock we'll be having a rare 
r treat in store for you with out week long presentation of The 

Hissing Film3 of Elvis Presley . You'll see EL vis as you've never 
seen him before - in dutch, in dread, in drag, and in Philadelphia. 

Monday , it's Elvis in Kick He Tender , a 1956 film about a young 
lad who falls hopelessly in love with an older woman, but Marsha, 
(portrayed by Barbara Stanwyck,) literally doesn't know the 
young man is alive as she is a blind-deaf -mu te whose total sensory 
system was destroyed in the was by a neutral country. The young 
man doesn't let this inhibit his strong feelings for the woman, 
however, and he is content to sleep on her stairs and in her hall- 
ways so that she will kick and trip over him, actions he interprets 
as displays of affection. ELvis sings three tunes as well as 
the title track. 

Tuesday , it's Death of a Salesman , 1962. Elvis' first opportunity 
to star in a straight dramatic vehicle is marred by panic-stricken 
backers why felt that the general public wasn't quite ready for 
ELvis' portrayal of Willy Loman, and as a compromise made Presley 
add eleven tunes and three dance numbers. Elvis sings, "Order 
Pad Blues," "lou Ain't Nothin' But a Briefcase," and the title track, 

Wednesday , it's Fort Apache of the Mind , a 1968 attempt to cash in 
on bo the the psychedelic trends and the spaghetti western craze. 
Elvis plays Lexitpl Booth, a man determined to bring the hostile 
Apache warriors and the bigoted U.S. Calvary together in an 
atmosphere or love and understanding through LSD. His plans are 
thwarted however by God. Marlon Brando makes a cameo appearance 
as the Jordanaires. 

(Music subtly changes to dirge tempo instrumental version of 
Suspicious Minds . ) 

Thursday , it's The Nutty Mutatlonist , 1969. Jerry Lewis and 
Elvis Presley, trying to put a halt to their mutual decline at 
the box office, co-star in a film that is written, directed, and 
produced by Lewis. The story takes place in Nazi Germany where 
Dr. Joseph Mengele (played by Lewis) is working hard to help 
Adolph Hitler (played to the hilt by Elvis Presley) develop a 
"master race" through drugs, genetic engineering, and surgery. 
Naturally, Lewis botches the job, much to the delight of the 
audience but much to the chagrin of Hitler. Elvis and Jerry sing 
three songs apiece and do a duet on the film's big dance number, 
"Do the Mutilation" complete with the June Taylor Dancers as the 
doctor's failed experiments. 

Friday tops it off with, Whatever Happened to Elvis Presley? 
a 1978 film where Elvis gives his first posthumous performance 
in order to fulfill a contractual commitment. The soundtrack 
and story are very moving, ELvis isn't. 

Fun for the entire family! So, tune in this week, won't you? 
And pay your respects to the King of Rock' n' Roll with our week 
long tribute to the Missing Films of Elvis Presley, a man we 
won't soon let you forget! 

( Suspicious Minds up and out)